Marriage must have boundary lines to protect the intimacy and
security in the relationship. These lines can get blurred when there is
conflict. Sometimes couples in conflict allow "outsiders"inside the
boundary lines. These "outsiders" are friends, family, co-workers,
strangers, which may or may not be a great support. I want to discuss a
couple of issues when you share with others the intimate details in your
marriage. The first one is your attitude shifts. Have
you ever been out with your friends and one of them complains about
their spouse? The next thing you know, it becomes contagious in the
group. When this occurs we develop a disrespectful or unloving attitude
towards our spouse when we are speaking negative words on our lips about
them. God's word admonishes us to love and respect our mates, which
means to lift them up and spur them towards their potential in words and
actions. It is important to share with friends and family that respond
in a manner that reflects God's Word, those bold and courageous enough
to confront and hold you accountable. When sharing, focus on you and not
your spouse. You will be less likely to be critical when focused on
taking responsibility and owning your part of the conflict. The
other issue is broken trust and disconnection. Relationships thrive
when there is vulnerability and trust, inside the safe lines of
marriage. Couples should be able to discuss their personal struggles and
weaknesses. Sometimes when pain exists the temptation may be to
retaliate by sharing personal details your spouse disclosed with others.
Trust is broken and spouses stop sharing life with each other and
become disconnected. So, resist the temptation talk about your spouse
and get even. Professional help may be needed when
there is accumulated pain in the marriage. Counseling may help you
process the pain, offer insight and give you the tools for establishing
healthy habits in your marriage, which keeps your marriage inside the
lines. |
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